In my many years living in Hollywood. I run across more than my fair share of celebrities. Some experiences are good. Some..........bad! But that is just the nature of the beast. But one particular celebrity has haunted my nightmares and for some really bad luck. I just keep running into him. And within a week. He is doing something big. That so called celebrity is..........RYAN SEACREST!!
Now I am not going to go into any details of how and why I keep running into him. But I will say this. It's NEVER good and the outcome always makes me look like I'm the asshole!
But I will tell you the most recent encounter. I was at a party of my friend who at the time was my manager. I had been drinking just a little and decided to go outside for some air. I walk to the back and sat down on these really nice lawn chairs near the swimming pool.
I hear someone talking on a cell phone whose voice was really familiar. In fact just hearing it's over excited sound I knew who it was before I laid eyes on the punk. It's Ryan. And he is walking a pace as if the law was after him. He walks by this really narrow path next to my foot and then.........BAM! He trips over my foot. His cellphone flies and hits the floor. He turns around and the look was "priceless" .
He recognized me the moment we laid eyes on each other. he then gave me a cold stare and said " you better have not done that on purpose.......buddy ". Now the last time we met. He called me "pal-ley". I said " sorry" and he then said " if this phone is broken. They'll will be hell to pay "! Oh yea! Like I am afraid of a 5 foot woman with a five o clock shadow. Lucky for me ( insert eye roll) that his precious phone was ok. He gave me another little bitch ass look, mumbled something under his breath and walked off.
Why in the fuck do I get all the luck in having to see this human dildo with bleached teeth around town?. Why can't I see hot ass Megan Fox every time I go out?. Why do I keep seeing this pint sized Merv Griffin when I am trying to enjoy myself. And folks. The guy is no Brad Pitt. Imagine if a Froto from "Lord Of The Rings" anal fucked a Chipmunk, had a baby and frosted it's hair!
And it gets worse people. I was told Seacrest is hosting this years Emmy's and guess who got invited to go?. It's the story of my life folks. My karma will have me meet him in the restroom where he will come up to me and say " I heard you were talking shit about me".
Oh well. I'll just beat the shit out him with my water bottle and put an end to this madness. At least I'll be on TMZ!
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