Now that is what I'm Talking about!!!

BITCH OF THE MONTH....FEB 06

Now we all know that the "BOTM" ( Bitch Of The Month) was almost impossible to surpass. Mojo Shivers was the out right man who personified the word "Bitch" with his whining and his so-called "80 things he wants in a woman" entry. An entry that was so pathetic and retarded that it had to be smashed by yours truley. But when I thought it could not get worse. Along comes Fernando Vargas .......the greatest boxer to ever hold the title of being a " Boxing's Little Whiney Bitch".
He was the powerhouse from Oxnard Ca who fought his way from the dangerous barrios and grew up to become the TKO floor mat of some of the most major events in boxing today. Losing to the Likes of De La Hoya, Trinidad, and now Mosley, he has shown he cannot match with "ANY" respecable fighter in boxing. But unlike a REAL MAN who will admit to his loses and move on. Vargas tends to bitch and moan about bad ref calls, being misunderstood, not being the poster boy or fan favorite, and of course........the judges don't like me. So what a suprise it was to hear ol' Vargas saying that " he was winning the fight in the all rounds and that if the ref didn't stop the fight he would have won. Now COME ON!!! Does this look like the face of someone who was winning the fight?












I think not. Fernando, you are a tired ass whiney bitch who needs to retire. Go home and beat your wife, open up a strip club and sell crack like all washed up boxers who hit the skids in their carrers.Beating a cracked out "Winky Wright" was you claim to fame and it will never get any higher. Be a man, get over your loss and get out of my face. Give your spot to a kid who wants to be a winner. And with that said Fernando........you are Feb's "BOTM". Wear it with pride homie!!

God I "HATE" The Winter Olympics...............

What would I rather be doing.......watching my grandmother put on her stocking or watching the Winter Olympics( ANSWER: Move over grandma, let me help you). You don't know how much I hate the Olympics right now . From the bobsleds to the Ice skating. Let's just end it allready. Sorry, I have been working on some serious projects and have not had the time to jot down a few things on my blog. I promise to be better throughout the next few weeks.

What do we "really" know about in home " Construction Workers"

Sorry guys for the delay but I had a lot of shit on my plate for the past couple of days. I had to finish a script and then had to watch these guys who are doing work at my crib. Have you ever had that feeling that when you have someone work in your home and while you are not there, these fucker are roaming through your stuff?. This is the feeling I have with these bastards. Even though they come highly recommended. They still look that they have been involved in a “prison lockdown” before. With there pants with the “large” pockets, shifty eyes, uncombed hair, funky ass breath, and poor social skills. It just makes it uncomfortable to have these jokers in my crib.
One of them had the nerve to say “ Hey, do you watch all those DVD’s in your living room”?. No fuck face. I like to have them around just in case “Armageddon” comes around and I need something to hide under. Now you know I can’t tell his dumb ass that or I will find some if not all missing when he finishes up work in my place. And that look they always seem to have when they are coming into you place. A look that says….” I can steal this, but not that, he will notice. I may get away with lifting that but I have to be cool about or he’ll think I am some kind of low life using a Plummer’s excuse to get into his crib and clean him out”.DUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
And notice they start working when you are watching them , but when you are away, they need 2 “extra” days to patch a hole in your wall?. All I am saying is folks…..keep your eye on these undercover criminals . And to all the home workers out there who have to come in a strangers home to do construction service……..shower, breath mints, and a good pair of fitting pants. I am so tired of having to deal with breath that smells like “ass and feet” and with your pants hanging off your crusty asses just to patch a hole in my wall. Why can’t they all look and dress like Tye Pennington?. Is that what makes him so special?. He is a construction /contractor that takes a shower and wear clothes that do not look like they were passed down through generations..Folks, is it just too much to ask?

My weakness.................

I was at auto show earlier today for a friend who was promoting his buisness new auto products for Ford's and Toyota's. It was a very private show and a very elegant event. Champange ( the real stuff....not that sparkling wine bullshit) and fine cheeses and high end crackers ( "fromage" as the French call it). So I'm walking around I saw the car of my dreams..................the new remade vintage style 69" Ford Mustang. Oh, I almost dropped to my knees. The speed, the power, the hot action you could pull driving that bad boy. Just too sweet!! I was allowed to sit in the car and had what could be the first non-sexual orgasm I ever had. The seat were like "Butta", soft and luxurious. The interior big enough for a man.......and a couple of hot ladies to go in the back. And when I was allowed to turn on the engine.......I could have died a happy man right there.
From this day foward. I will bust my ass to achieve my dream to get that car and be rolling in that bad boy before the age of 40 ( and I will have that girl in the pic as well.......hey, why not get greedy). It's good to have a dream.

A " Jedi" funeral..................

This was sad weekend for me since I had to bury my cousin this week in Culver City. It was a sad occasion because of the fact that I was very close to this person and they were the same age. I had to prepare myself for what I thought was going to be a very sad and painful day. I got to the church and I must say, it was a nice service. The priest was a wonder man and gave a deep heartfelt service.
But I notice something strange about some of the people who attended the service. Especially a certain group of people sitting in the far left towards the from of the front of the church. This “special” group of people were wearing what I thought were robes which was quite strange or a funeral. So when the service was over I looked over to see these robe wearing people and to my surprise and shock I could not believe it. They were not wearing robes………..it was JEDI outfits!!!
This “special” group of people were “Star Wars Geeks” who came to the funeral to pay their last respects to my cousin “ Obi Won Rocmonamon”
( which I guess was my cousin’s Star Wars Geek name). From the information I received from my uncle. My cousin was huge “Star Wars” fan and had a reputation among the “Star Wars Geek” community in Los Angeles. My cousin was considered a “true jedi” and was respected among this particular group.
These people were not kids……they were adults. Not one young one among the group ( ages range from 25-50). In fact this group was considered the “ elite group” of jedI . The elders you Star Wars geeks may call them. It my cousin wish to have his friends dress in their JedI uniforms during the service and had requested a “Jedi funeral”. But my aunt was not having that so a compromise was met……….they would have a normal funeral and they could wear their outfits.
So after the burial. The jedi knights circle the casket and I swear to God. Pull out the light sabers and began to do this lame ass ritual chanting and shit and waving their light sabers as if they were “REAL” swords. They even brought a fucking boom box to play the “Jedi Theme”. Of course you know my family as well as other humans attending the burial were running back to their cars in hope that the other people placing flowers on their love ones gravesites would not place them and these jedi geeks at the same service.
Now I won’t even get into the wake service dinner. Let’s just say this……….there were more geeks there than at my “Duran Duran” high school fan club back in the 80’s. All dressed in their "SW" gear and looking fabulous. There was Darth Vader telling a Storm Trooper that the “ Del Taco on La Cienega has the most shitty service. Oh and lets not forget Yoda at the buffet table complaining that their was only “human food” being served and he had a craving for “star toads” from the planet “ Olivion”. And of course my cousin requested that the funeral be a celebration of new life and not a mourning for death. There was music, and nothing is more heart warming than to see Princess Irabu and Darth Vader doing the “bus stop” to “Touch It” by Busta Rhymes. And Yoda trying to get a female Storm Troopers 7 digits.Yes, this is the life of a "SW" geek who is a grown ass adult!! I hope in my life time NEVER to witness anything like that again. But then again I hope my cousin is smiling . Farewell Obi Won Rockmonamon. May the force be with you.........and please take your fucking Star Wars geeks with you as well.

The people you meet at Jamba juice............

Ok . So I head to my favorite Jamba Juice in Manhattan Beach and I keep running into this girl who always seems to be coming in from a long jog. Now this has happen for almost 5 months. I smile at her and smiles back and says "hello". Nothing big and sometimes we may strike up a conversation. So last night , I am looking through my friends " My Space" and I come across this picture ( see insert). Oh my Good googley golly........"It's her!!!! Now of course I called my friend to asked who is that girl and how does he know her. He tells me that she is topless dancer and singer and he got her picture off the internet ( I would have NEVER guessed topless dancer) But as you can see our girl has no shame to her game. So what do you say to a girl who you have seen with her ta ta's all over the internet? What else can you say the next time you are in line together with her at Jamba Juice............................Don't worry, that large "Strawberry Wild" is on me". He he

WHAT DOES THESE PIC HAVE IN COMMON?.

Hollywood is getting way "TOO" Gay!! What is going on. Way too much man on man love going on. But hey there is nothing wrong with being too gay. But damn maybe it's just me.Maybe I should just come into the 21st century and see that it is ok to see two men embrace lovingly by a campfire. Or hugging with lust after a good take on a movie set ( see pic with Bryan Singer and Spacey getting way too personal) Or watching Ryan Seacrest look at himself in the mirror and turns around to see how his butt looks. I'm just saying......let's pace ourselves here. Way too much is going on. I have a hard time watching a straight couple getting it on on camera yet along Jake and Heath making out in a tent.
At least even the playing field and show J-Lo making out with Mariah Carey. Now that would be NICE!!! You know Lesbians need love too. In fact, I think we may need more lady on lady action instead of watching Chassidy Bono rolling around " Celebrity Fit Club" talking about how many women she's been with. Come on Hollywood!! How about it?! Jennifer Gardner slopping a fat one on Jessica Alba.Courtney Cox on top of Jennifer Aniston in the hot tub, Angelina with any hot girl. Now that is the type of " Gay Love" we all need to see.

Stand Up Calling Me Again.............

Ahhhhhhhhhh the smell of cigarettes, beer, and cheap purfume in a dark and small room is whispering my name again. So gang that means it's stand up comedy time once again. I will be heading out to LaJolla " Comedy Store" for 2 nights Thursday and Friday nights so my dear ol mama can see her precious baby boy perform on her birthday. It's should be "da bomb" since it has been almost 3 months since I last got on stage and attacked a heckler for wearing what was a " Bomber jacket" from the movie "Krush Groove". And of course his breath was smelling like "ass, and hotdog water".Ahhhhhhhhhhh good times, good times.
It has been 2 whole days and nothing has really pissed me off. This is a rare and new situation for me and I almost feel that I going to walk out to my car and attacked by a swarm of killer bee's. Though last night I got to sit back in my chair, have a glass of brandy, and watch one of the greatest cinema classics of all time ............"Petey Wheatstraw- The Devil's Son In Law".With Rudy May Moore, one of the greatest actors of all time. Where else could you see a movie with action, drama, sex, violence, comedy, and some of the worse acting on this side of the planet. " And of course one of my favorite two lines in the movie......." Now step aside you fat head son of a bitch" and " You've got a lot of nerves for messing with my car.Penny-anny junkies, that's what you are. You'll steal from yo mama and take limbs from a tree, but I am going to kick yo ass for messing with me"! Ahhhhhhhhhhh good times, good times.
Rudy Ray Moore too was a stand up comedian so may be just one day. I too can hit it big and star in a great movie with such depth, and realism as " Petey" . I can only prey.